Would anyone notice?

I wonder if anyone would notice if I just disappeared, if I just hid away from the world. My opinion is of no matter to anyone nor is the fact that I even exist. Most days I want to curl up in a corner and cry, but I am not supposed to have feelings, I am not allowed to show that I have needs and wants. I am apparently supposed to be Ok with the fact that I am not worth the time of day or the effort to others. I feel invisible, ignored and useless. I am angry, I am hurt and I feel like nobody cares. Which for most of my life are not new feelings for me. Always the outsider, always the one that has to have the thick skin and be tough. I guess I shouldn’t expect anyone to give a shit about me now. This is not a pity party, oh woe is me. It is the truth of being neglected and not cared about.

 

Twice I have opened myself up to love someone completely, unconditionally, and without question. Twice I have been burned,at least the second time didn’t take up three years of my life.

 

I am not aiming this towards any specific person or gender for that matter. Whether it’s friends, boyfriends, family…I always get pushed to the side, my voice is never heard, I am nonexistent. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t wonder why the hell I’m even here, why am I here to be put through hell day after day. I’m tired of being the funny one to hide what tears me up inside.  I’m tired of pretending that it’s OK to be treated like shit , that I’ll be fine like I always am. Well I’m not fine, I’m not Ok and it will never be OK as long as I am ignored and treated like I am not even there.

 

So I guess the question still remains…Would anyone notice?