Like I need this too...

A few months back I had a few episodes of what they thought were mini strokes. In the process of waiting to take tests I was making one of my trips to Indiana. As usual when I travel alone I crank the music (Fun House by Pink was my latest obsession) and roll the windows down and sing at the top of my lungs. Ok, I admit, I car dance too. So if I am belting it out and car dancing one second, how can the very next, my eyes uncontrollably want to close? I could not wake up no matter what I tried. Luckily I had brought Ritalin with me. Years ago when I was first going through health issues and had terrible fatigue, the doctor prescribed them to me but I never really took them because they made me nauseous. Thank God I brought them with me for some reason, or else I would not have made it to Indiana. So with every trip I took I made sure to take the Ritalin to stay awake. When I finally ran out and didn't have a refill I called my doctor and made an appointment but it was for a month later and I would be traveling before then. I told him about the sudden overwhelming urge to sleep, that it would come out of nowhere. He suggested that I research Narcolepsy. Sure enough, the more I read, the more it was me. From the sudden onset of wanting to fall asleep, to Cataplexy (which were the episodes I had), to sleep paralysis (that I have had since a teenager), and memory loss. It was me!

It is always satisfying when you find out what is wrong. It is not satisfying when you finally give into the fact that there isn't a way to fix it, just treat it. With all the knowledge of the internet and what I know about the human body and herbs and alternative healing, I am frustrated that I have not found a way to fix it.

I continue to take Ritalin twice a day to FUNCTION. I sit at my desk in front of the computer at work and have moments of being completely blank. Occasionally I find myself staring at the screen, not able to move and feeling my head shaking just slightly. I am fully aware of the fact that I am staring at it and I am telling myself to move, but yet I can't. I repeat myself enough to my daughter that she has informed me that I am annoying. I don't mean to repeat myself but I don't remember saying it the first twenty times apparently. My train of thought is off track most days and what I did yesterday, forget asking because I have no idea. If something needs to be done, write it down or I will never remember. All of these inconveniences are nothing compared to how I feel when the sudden overwhelming urge to sleep hits me. Imagaine not sleeping for 48 hours or even 24. When it hits me ,that is how tired I feel. My body almost feels like I am hung over. Several times throughout the day I fight it and everyday it seems to become more of a struggle.

Today I got on Facebook and went to a page called Narcolepsy Network. As I sat there reading posts from other people, it hit me. I wasn't crazy for feeling how I feel and I wasn't alone. In the middle of reading them, once again it was confirmed that I was not alone. I get a text from Jeff asking what I was doing and I told him. All he text back was, "I love you". My response was, "I love you too, what was that about?" his answer, and from, 600 miles away and just from my words he said, "You seemed like you needed it." When I read that I could feel his arms around me. He amazes me!